Train Of Thought

I am the kind of person that sleeps with one ear open. Throughout any given night I can hear the snore of my husband lying beside me, the steady breathing of my three children from down the hall, the incessant tumble of the hamster on her wheel. I hear the dogs stir and hold my breath hoping they are not coming to ask me to let them out, they shift and flop down again and the house seems to heave a contented sigh. These things don't actually, fully wake me but are more the normal soundtrack to my slumber each night. Sometimes, Dakota will howl in his sleep - a long, low eerie sound that at first brings fear as it forces me out of sleep. After I am awake and realize what made the sound, I almost chuckle imagining Dakota dreaming of being a lone wolf on the horizon. Sometimes Tioga has a dream and makes a sound that can only be described as a donkey braying - - - sort of a mix of a cough, a 'woof' and a hiccup. It is usually accompanied by flickering eyelids and paddling paws. I used to refer to it as "having a nightmare" but the more I got to thinking about it - the more I changed my thought process. I decided to believe that all dogs who are well loved and well cared for could not possibly have a nightmare for what fears or worries would they know? Aside from Dakota's irrational fear of vacuums, I doubt there are any monsters that could invade their dreams. I prefer to think of it now as just a dream.

Last night, Tioga had one such experience. Perhaps she was dreaming of chasing the neighbor's cat or rolling around on the living room floor with the children - whatever her dream involved, it made her make that kooky sound. Of course, given her current circumstance, I was awake in a shot and in a full panic before I stopped to realize what it was. She shifted on her pillow and soon was back to sleep. I was now WIDE AWAKE!

Being awake in the middle of the night does strange things to your thought process. It multiplies your worries and fears. The darkness brings out the darkest, strangest thoughts. And here was my train of thought at 2am:

I first began re-calculating the expected due date. I thought about how unhappy I was with the current location of the whelping box. I began rearranging living room furniture in my head. I thought about how I would handle being midwife and caregiver to 7, 8 or 9 puppies! I thought about how Tioga would handle it. How we would need each other now more than ever. I thought about how generous Penthea Burns had been to offer to drive 5 hours, knowing she could only spend an overnight and have to drive 5 hours back home to help me. And here is where the 'train of thought' goes of the rail and becomes the crazy train! (really, you could probably hear Ozzy Osborne in the background!)

Having Penthea here got me to thinking about Maine lobsters and steamers; Georgia peaches and shrimp and grits. Suddenly, I was wracking my brain trying to think of foods indigenous to the state of Connecticut. CONNECTICUT!! We've got nothing! I remembered Morgan's 3rd grade class spending the entire year studying Connecticut. It culminated in an end of the year 'Connecticut Day' celebration. The kids even put on a game show "Who Wants To Be A Connecticut Millionaire" and Morgan was one of the finalist. I remembered her learning about the Charter Oak; Connecticut being called the Nutmeg State; Our state animal being the Sperm Whale, Our state bird being the American Robin. So, menu options? Acorn soup with nutmeg, fillet of whale or roasted breast of robin. OK, OK! We can always order out for pizza! And now I was craving Ebelskivers!  

So on and on over then course of the next few hours my mind wandered and crazy worries arose. Somewhere along the journey, the crazy train slowed to a stop. I thought about those first few hours and days with newborns (babies and puppies) and how magical it is to welcome a new life into the world. I thought about the time for quiet reflection and the joy of seeing a newborn study your face, as if trying to memorize every detail. I remembered sleeping in the whelping box with Tioga, hearing nothing but the breaths of her and the puppies. I felt settled and tired again and I drifted back to sleep - just before the 6am alarm went off!

Today we continue to monitor her temperature and count down the days until our lives are filled with puppy chaos and bliss. But for now - more coffee, please!